I have to admit that when my older daughter left for college, it wasn’t that difficult to say goodbye. At the time, I was so busy patting myself on the back at how well adjusted I was, I didn’t stop to think about what was really going on.

The truth was that she was so busy during high school that she was rarely home. When she graduated, she immediately left for the summer to work at a camp. So I was already used to not having her around. Plus – and here’s the kicker – I knew she would be coming home again.

So you can imagine my surprise earlier this week when she left for her senior year and I felt as if I had been run over by a truck. I couldn’t hold back my tears as I said goodbye to her in our driveway. In fact, I couldn’t hold them back for the next two hours as I sobbed uncontrollably.

Three years ago, I said goodbye to a kid who was just dipping her toe into the waters of independence. Three days ago, I said goodbye to a young woman who is filled with confidence and excitement. And it kind of broke my heart. Not because I am sad or worried in any way whatsoever. No, this is the kind of bittersweet heartache that you feel when you truly have to let go of someone you love. You know it’s time. You know it’s the right thing to do. But still, it’s hard.

My daughter did, in fact, come home as I thought she would. For the past two summers, she has had internships in or near our town. She was working full time, but we had daily contact. I knew exactly how she spent her day, ate dinner with her every evening, and kissed her good night every night. We binged watch TV shows, worked out together, went shopping, and had long, satisfying talks.

She has finally grown into the person she was meant to be and I guess I didn’t want to say goodbye. I know I will see her often – next week in fact – but I doubt that she will ever live under our roof for an extended period of time. She is planning on travelling next summer and already has excellent employment prospects post graduation. Besides, even if she does end up living with us, it won’t be the same. Our little girl is gone. I am happy to welcome the young woman who has taken her place, but she doesn’t live here anymore. She is busy creating her own life and her own home.

Luckily, we still have our younger daughter to take the edge off. Eventually, she too will leave the nest. Maybe next time I’ll be better prepared for those tears.