When we brought our firstborn home from the hospital, we were amazed that we were actually allowed to be responsible for another human being. We wondered:  Is this legal? Where is the instruction manual?

Babies, especially for inexperienced parents, can be challenging. There’s a lot of stuff to figure out. Yet somehow we all muddle through and make it to what I like to refer to as the halcyon years – from ages 5 to 10 – when the kids are adorably dependent yet not so demanding.

Then come the teenage years, when all good things must come to an end. If babies require an instruction manual, teens require a Ph.D. When my kids hit the age of 12, all of the certainty I had been feeling as a parent went out the window. All of a sudden, they started asking to do things they had never done before – mostly going places without me – and I had no idea what to do. Every time they asked a question – Can I go to the mall with my friends/ride my bike around the block/wear makeup – I panicked. I knew I had to give them a longer leash, but I was afraid of what would happen if I did.

Luckily, I have amazing parents and was able to recall my own adolescent years, when they gave me the freedom to test the waters. Following their example, I was probably among the more laid-back among the parents of my kids’ friends. I tried to convey an air of authority while hiding the fact that I was scared shitless. 

The good news is: my children and I survived those years! The bad news is: I’m still scared shitless.  Not as scared as when they first started spending time away from us and my fears were both rational and irrational – I actually wondered how I would know they were breathing when I wasn’t there – but worried nonetheless.  The fact is that worrying about your kids never goes away.

By now I’ve gotten used to it, in much the same way one gets used to an old wound that has scarred over. These days, my worry is usually low-level, with occasional spikes to keep my blood pressure up and my adrenaline surging. As my kids enter the young adult years, I can breathe an occasional tiny sigh of relief…but that instruction manual would still come in handy.